


Unexpectedly

by sad_catcus



Category: Dear Evan Hansen, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Evan doesn't stutter, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Larry isn't a dick, M/M, Mentions of Miguel, More angst, Past!Kleinsen, Self Harm, Smut, Treebros, cant stand that, convan, he tries but then again he's still a father and messes up sometimes, if you're lucky, kinda slow burn??, maybe a little more fluff, mentions of Miguel and Connor’s relationship, mentions of suicide/attempts, more smut, omfg, same with the moms and all the other characters, swearing too lol, then again I have no patience, trigger warnings hopefully have been tagged so pay attention if you don’t like that shit, underage drinking and drugs, updates might be slightly inconsistent, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_catcus/pseuds/sad_catcus
Summary: Some of you may be asking, "Evan, how did you get in this situation?" Well Evan isn't quite sure either. He wasn't quite sure how he got Connor Murphy, the notorious "bad boy", of all people above him and working off his pants.





	1. Start of Something New

Some of you may be asking, "Evan, how did you get in this situation?" Well Evan isn't quite sure either. He wasn't quite sure how he got Connor Murphy, the notorious "bad boy", of all people above him and working off his pants.

 

Well, let’s go back to the beginning where it all started. Of course, it starts off with the story everyone knows but this story has a twist. This story happens quite, well, unexpectedly.

 

* * *

 

 

Evan stared into the mirror of his bathroom, running his fingers through his hair to get it to look decent. First impressions are everything. At least that’s what he always told himself. No matter how long he knew someone he had to always appear his best. Well we’re talking about the people he’s known for the past 12 years. Not exactly known, but...

 

Evan shook his head. Not the time to be thinking about the fact you’re completely alone in the world and no one cares about you except maybe your mom. Maybe Jared still cares about you. Evan scoffed. That’s wishful thinking. Him and Jared haven’t talked in a long time. A long time as in their last actual conversation was in middle school. Now it’s just exchanged words. Something Evan wished would change but the impending anxiety of even the thought is too much.

 

Evan popped out his polo collar again. He finally got his hair to his standards. Everything seemed perfect except for his hands. Those sweaty fucking hands. Now now Evan, don’t think about the time last year when you tried to approach Zoe Murphy at the jazz band concert last year but once you started thinking about talking to her yours hands started getting sweaty so you went to the bathroom to try and dry them off but now they’re just hot and sweaty and people are looking at you.

 

Evan paused from his thoughts, looking in the mirror. Great. Now he’s sweating. He grabbed the hand towel laying on the counter with his casted arm, rubbing it across his forehead to try and stop it. Cast. Evan frowned. His mom had lectured him merely ten minutes ago about how she does not want him sitting on his computer every Friday night, complaining about how he has no friends. Then she came up with the brilliant idea of letting people sign his cast. Ha, like that would happen.

 

* * *

 

Today has been shit and it’s only lunch time. Evan is merely four hours into his day and somehow he’s managed to be bombarded by Alana Beck, turned down by Jared, yet again, and get shoved to the ground. And to top it all off, Connor Murphy, Zoe Murphy’s older brother, happened to be the one to push him after he had a nervous reaction to a rather horrible joke Jared made. And to make matters even worse, Zoe saw and approached Evan, asking if he was alright. That was a total shit show.

 

Evan huffed, leaning over the computer desk he was at and staring at his laptop. He was rereading his required therapy letter or whatever for the third time. It seemed fine. Enough to pass off for Dr. Sherman by seeming real but also not too revealing. There wouldn’t have to be much talking about it. Evan hit file and print.

 

He relaxed back in his seat, letting out a breath. He could hear the faint sound of the printer from across the room. The printer beeped. Evan rolled back in the seat, which had wheels, of course, and stood up. He kept his head down walking over to the printer, picking at some of the string that had come out of the padding in his cast.

 

“Is this yours? Evan Hansen...? That’s your name, right?”

 

Evan was scared half shitless, don’t get him wrong. He stumbled back a few steps, eyes wide as he stared up at, you guessed it, Connor Murphy. Fuck. Evan just stared at him for a second before straightening up, wiping his hands on the side of his khakis. “Yeah, uh, that’s me.”

 

Connor gave Evan a weird look, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. He set his messenger bag on the ground and examined Evan for a moment before his eyes landed on Evan’s cast. “No one’s signed your cast.”

 

“Yeah I know it’s fine it doesn’t really mat-“

 

“I’ll sign it.” Connor cut Evan off. Evan honestly seemed shocked. His mouth had dropped open unknowingly.Connor laughed. “Do you have a sharpie?”

 

Evan quickly turned, pulling a sharpie from the side pocket on his backpack and wordlessly handing it to Connor. Connor popped the cap off with his mouth, holding the cap between his teeth as he grabbed Evan’s arm and pulled it to his body. Evan hissed under his breath. Damn, this kid definitely doesn’t share any of the gentle aspect Zoe gives off.

 

Evan watched, mostly in horror, as Connor sprawled out his name is ginormous letters across the cast. There was no more room on the front side of the cast. Connor recapped the marker, seeming proud of his work. “There. Now we both can pretend we have friends.” He handed Evan the marker back. Evan just stared. Connor just stared back.

 

God this is awkward as hell, say something dumbass, Evan thought, gulping. “I, uh- Can I, or well, may I have my note back...?” Please don’t read it, please don’t read it.

 

“Yeah sure.” Connor handed it back. It was folding neatly. Evan was surprised it hadn’t been crumpled or something. Evan grabbed it quick, holding it close to his chest. “Jeez, no need to get all defensive.” Connor chuckled. Evan chuckled along too, quite nervously. Connor was smiling. Evan never thought he would see that. He never really knew Connor but he knew that he did drugs and he was a loner, just like Evan. That factor gave Evan hope but, anxiety says otherwise.

 

“Sorry.” Evan spat out after getting caught up in his thoughts. “No need to apologize, Hansen.”

 

Evan just smiled nervously. “You wanna say it, don’t you.” Evan nodded. “Well don’t.” Evan wasn’t smiling anymore. Connor frowned. He liked it when Evan smiled. He’s never seen it before. It could be the last thing he sees for all he’s concerned.

 

“Sorry about pushing you earlier though.” If you’re going out you might as well go out being decent to at least one person.

 

“It’s fine. I probably deserved it anyway.”

 

“You didn’t.”

 

In the midst of Connor and Evan staring at each other, yet again, the bell rang, scaring Evan. He jumped slightly, letting a surprised noise. Connor laughed, again. Evan blushed.

 

Connor smiled wider, causing Evan to smile slightly.

 

“You’re cute when you blush.”

 

“Wh-“

 

Connor had slapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide. “I’m sorry I have to go.” Connor turned heel, bursting out of the computer lab, leaving Evan alone. All alone. All alone again. All alone again and still blushing.

 

All alone again and still blushing with Connor Murphy’s messenger bag sitting at his feet.


	2. Bag of Mysteries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan finds something and Zoe is one angry girl.

Evan sat down on the edge of his bed. He carried Connor Murphy’s messenger bag all the way home. He knew he was skipping out on therapy but he could make up some excuse. He just couldn’t deal with that shit right now. Evan stared at the messenger bag that was sitting in his desk chair across the room. It was like it was glaring at him. It felt, off. Connor never came back to try and find it which was odd in Evan’s opinion at least.

 

He told himself he can’t look in it. That’s just wrong. It’s invading someone’s privacy. Someone he doesn’t even know the slightest thing about. But something drove Evan to the other side of his room. He stood by the chair and stared down at the bag. Something drove him to flip over the flap, revealing a mess. There were some books. It looked like two messy notebooks with paper sticking out of the sides, a little sketchbook and some comic books. There were papers shoved in the bag everywhere along with random wrappers and pens that had chewed on ends.

 

Evan took out the two notebooks. One read off “MATH” in messy handwriting on the front while the other didn’t have anything on the front. Evan shrugged, setting the notebooks on his desk. Next were the comic books. They were mostly Spider-Man. Evan chuckled. He hadn’t personally read a comic book since he was like nine. He set those down on the his desk next to the notebooks. Next was the sketchbook. It looked frequently used. Evan had to, being the curious shit he is, flip up the front cover. He was taken by surprise. Damn, Connor was more talented than he anticipated. The first page was a neatly shaded landscape that reached off into the horizon. The sun was setting and there was a humungous tree in the middle in the distance. It was odd, but it was beautiful. Evan flipped to the next page. It seemed like some kind of messy self portrait. Evan smiled to himself, flipping mindlessly through more random sketches. Spider-Man mostly. Evan giggled. He definitely didn’t take Connor Murphy of all people to like comics. He flipped through a few more pages until a particular one made him stop. It was a portrait of Connor and some other boy Evan had never seen before. Evan had observed everyone in their school. Not in like a creepy way, he just had the time. He had no distractions so why not get into everyone else’s life when you don’t have one of your own.

 

Evan’s finger glided slowly over the other boy’s face. His skin was shaded a little darker than Connor’s, freckles dusted over almost every visible inch. Evan was stumped. It couldn’t possibly be anyone at their school. His eyes wandered to the bottom of the page. “C + M” was clearly there. Who the hell was “M”? Next to it was pencil that looked darker, like it was written more recently than when the drawing was finished. It said “Fuck you.” Whoever “M” was had obviously hurt Connor. Evan would find out who this “M” was. He was determined now.

 

He closed the sketchbook, rustling around in the bag a little more, moving a shit load of crumpled papers out of the way. His hand had finally hit something that was of a cylinder shape. It was smooth. It was obviously a medication bottle. Evan pulled out the bottle, closely examining the prescription.

“Holy shit,” Evan said under his breath, dropping the bottle on the ground. It was prescribed to someone named “Cynthia Murphy” who Evan assumed was Connor’s mother. It was Lexapro. It was the same anxiety medication that Evan used himself. It was a full bottle. It was hidden well. And it obviously had bad intentions. If Connor hadn’t put down the bag he would’ve...

 

Oh god.

 

* * *

 

 

Evan went to school the next day, trying to act as if nothing had happened. Well if there’s anything you should know, it’s that Evan Hansen is a terrible actor. He carried Connor’s bag low on one arm, hoping he’d see him somewhere or maybe he could drop it by his locker or something. Or maybe Zoe...

 

Evan stopped in front of his locker, shakily putting in the code. “You!” A voice came from behind Evan, scaring him half to death. He had unlocked the lock at the same time, causing him to drop it in fear and it landed on his toe, making him cry out in pain. “You’re Evan Hansen.” Evan turned around. “Yes, I-“

 

It was Zoe. Holy shit. Evan was pretty sure his heart had stopped.

 

“You- Is that Connor’s bag? Give me that!” Zoe reached out and yanked it out of Evan’s hand. She did not look her greatest for sure. She was wearing her classic ripped jeans and worn out converse with a t-shirt and flannel over it. But as Evan’s eyes slowly travelled up her body he could see in her face, something was off. She looked extremely tired, obvious bags under her eyes. Her cheeks were red and crusted and if pushed the wrong way she looked as if she would kill someone in an instant. Her auburn hair was pulled back in an unusual low ponytail.

 

“What were you doing with this?” Zoe held up the back, getting in Evan’s face. “I- I, um. Connor had well, he had talked to me yesterday and um, he left his bag on the ground and I, uh, I couldn’t just leave it there. I’m sorry.”

 

“Where? When did you and Connor talk?”

 

“Yesterday in the, uh, computer lab. Durning lunch.”

 

Zoe huffed, her green eyes narrowing at Evan. They closely examined his face. “You’re coming with me.” She grabbed his wrist, starting to pull him down the hallway which he came. Evan wordlessly just let her do it, stumbling after her. Zoe’s grip was tight. He felt like his working hand was about to get ripped off.

 

“Get it Hansen!” Jared Kleinman, of all people, just had to see Zoe dragging Evan down the hall. Evan’s face went red. This was not the time. “Fuck off Kleinman!” Zoe responded with, not even averting her eyes from the hallway. She sounded just like Connor when she said that. Speaking of Connor, is that why Evan is getting dragged out of here? Did he twist the story somehow? Is Evan getting framed for stealing? Is Connor even alive?

 

Before Evan could think of another thing to freak out about, he was getting shoved into the passenger seat of Zoe Murphy’s car. “But school-“ Evan tried to object as Zoe got in the drivers seat. “School isn’t important right now. Buckle up Hansen.” Sure, Evan had always wanted to be alone with Zoe Murphy in her expensive car but probably not like this. The air was weighing down on him with how tense it was and he hated it.

 

Zoe pulled out quickly, having shoved all the bags in the back. She was intent on the road, probably going at least 15 over the speed limit. Evan gripped tightly onto the edge of his seat. After a minute of angry silence, he finally got some courage to speak up. “Where are, we uh... Where are we going?”

 

“Hospital.”

 

“Hospital?” Evan sounded panicked. His mom can’t see him out of school like this! He can’t even be out of school! This has to be a dream! “Why’re we going to the hospital?”

 

“Connor.” Zoe’s teeth were gritted. Evan’s eyes widened. Fuck. Something’s wrong. Something happened. Someone did something.

 

“Why-“

 

“Because he slit his wrists open!” Evan couldn’t even finish asking completely. “I needed to use the bathroom and he wasn’t opening the door so I burst in and found him bleeding out! He was barely conscious!” Zoe was shaking now. Her grip was white-knuckling on the steering wheel. “And if I- If I didn’t get there when I did, he would’ve... He would’ve... He...” Zoe’s voice broke. She was crying.

 

Evan just watched her, his mouth gaped. “And w-we got him to the hospital and was in crit-critical condition all night and he mentioned one name. One. And y-you know was that name was?” She sounded angry again. Evan tried to responded but he barely got a noise out before Zoe answered for him. “It was yours! Evan fucking Hansen! He said your name and mumbled something along with it so my dad forced me to go to school on literally no sleep to hunt you down!” She wiped her face and nose on her sleeve. “So you better be able to answer some questions when we get up to the room because my mom is having a breakdown and my dad doesn’t even know how to process shit! Now get out!”

 

Evan hadn’t even realized that Zoe pulled up in the hospital parking lot. He just sat there. “Get out!” Zoe practically screamed. She was already out of the car and gripping Connor’s bag in her hand. Evan scrambled out of the car, quickly following a very distraught Zoe Murphy into the hospital doors.

 

Going up in the elevator to Connor’s floor seemed to go by in a blur but also slow motion. Zoe was soon storming out of the elevator, Evan quickly following in her footsteps. His breathing was all over the place, along with his thoughts. “Go in.” Zoe pushed Evan into a hospital room. And there was the man of the hour.

 

Connor Murphy himself, glaring down Evan from his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ew this is kinda bad not my best work. it’s late. 
> 
> leaving a comment would be nice!! thanks for reading!!


	3. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor goes sicko mode

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“I said, what the fuck are you doing here?” Connor’s voice was raspy. He was obviously tired, he was obviously drained, and he obviously didn’t want to see Evan here.

 

“Well so, um, your sist-“

 

“Save it, I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“But you just said-“

 

“I said shut it Hansen!”

 

Evan went quiet. He just stared at Connor stared back. It was tense. The air was heavy and Evan felt it weighing down on his shoulders. He wanted to leave. He didn’t want to be here. But he knew it would look bad if he just burst out. He had to at least hold some kind of conversation. Plus, he had questions. When would he and Connor ever be alone again?

 

Evan stepped forward and took a seat by the bed. “So, uh, how are you?” Obviously not good! God Evan you’re stupid. Connor just glared at him. “I’m on the top of the world right now. Best day of my life!” Connor’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

 

Evan just looked down at his lap. “Sorry...” Connor groaned. He rested his head back in the pillows and just fixated his eyes on the ceiling. “So why did they drag you in here?” Evan looked back up at Connor. “Uh... Well, I was holding your bag at school since you left it at my feet yesterday and never, um, came back to get it. And so this morning I’m holding it and well, Zoe, she, she came in and started yelling at me and-“

 

Connor cut Evan off. He was laughing. Evan fell silent. “Zoe, my sister, was yelling at _you_? In _public_? About _me_?” Connor was cackling. He obviously found this hilarious. Evan hoped Connor was just under some kind of medication. He had to be.

 

“Yeah... So um, she took your bag and dragged me out of school and drove me here and stuff. You, uh, you said my name apparently while you were falling unconscious so uh...” Evan fidgeted with his thumbs in his lap. Now him and Connor were both silent. It stayed like that for several minutes. Evan was sweating. He was sweating a lot. He wanted to leave so bad. Finally, Connor broke the silence.

 

“Did you look in my bag?”

 

“I’m sorry what?”

 

“Did you look in my bag?” Connor repeated himself louder.

 

Evan gulped. He didn’t want to respond.

 

Connor turned to Evan, his icy stare practically pierced straight through Evan. “Hansen?” Evan nodded, scared to hold eye contact. “Did you look in my bag?” Evan slowly nodded. He couldn’t stand looking at Connor. Connor just huffed.

 

“Well, what did you find?”

 

Evan hesitated. “Tell me.”

 

“I, um, I found your notebooks and comic books and lots of crumpled papers...”

 

“And?”

 

“A sketchbook and uh, a bottle of um... A bottle of,” Evan took in a deep breath. “A bottle of anxiety medication. Medication that could severely damage you or well... kill you.” Evan said the last part a little quieter.

 

Connor started clapping, slowly. That kind of mockery clapping. Evan shrunk back into his seat more. “Congratulations Hansen, you found out the school creep was gonna kill himself. What do you want your prize to be?” Evan didn’t answer. He just blinked, trying to stay still.

 

Connor chuckled. “Who’s ‘M’?” Evan suddenly blurted out. Connor’s face went straight. Somehow.

 

“I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Who is ‘M’?” Evan repeated, his voice shaking. Connor looked somewhere in between angry, upset, and something totally unreadable.“His name’s Miguel. He’s an old friend of mine. Now get out.”

 

“But I’ve never seen him before-“

 

“Get. Out.”

 

Evan opened his mouth to say something else but decided against it, pushing back in the chair and rushing as fast as he could to get out of that room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically a lil filler that’s why it’s so short. i’ll start getting to the good stuff soon! i’ve had auditions so the last few days have been stressful and school starts tomorrow so it might take a little longer for another update!
> 
> feel free to leave a comment :^) they really encourage me!


	4. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother knows best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of slight panic just so you know

Evan quickly shut the door behind himself, making sure to check none of the other Murphy’s were out there. Hopefully Connor wouldn’t say anything bad. He double checked, making it totally sure the coast was clear before making a break for it. Evan ran, faster than he had run in a while, quickly dodging out of the ways of nurses and other patients, earning him a few crude remarks which he quickly apologized to before continuing. The double doors that lead into the hallway with the elevator were so close. His heart was beating a million miles per hour before he heard one word that made it totally sink.

 

“Evan!”

 

It was his mother. Fuck.

 

Evan cursed himself under his breath. He slowly skidded to a stop, hesitating before turning around and facing his mother. He was hunched over, obviously scared of what would come out of her mouth. “...yes?” His voice was weak. Heidi didn’t seem to soften up though.

 

“Why aren’t you in school?” She had her hands on her hips, fashioning some light grey scrubs today. She walked towards him, probably staying a foot away still. “Evan, honey, breathe.”

 

Evan was edging more towards panic. His breath was getting uneven and his whole body felt stiff and hot. “I- I, um, well, I-“ Was really all he could get out of his mouth. Heidi put a hand on his shoulder. Evan’s blue eyes immediately locked with Heidi’s hazel ones. “Breathe. In and out, slowly.” She repeated.

 

Evan did as he was told, taking a minute or so before becoming more composed. He and Heidi had relocated to chairs up on the wall. “So why aren’t you in school?” She repeated, rubbing Evan’s back in small, slow circles. “Well,” Evan took in a deep breath, “This girl named Zoe got mad at me about something with her brother who’s in here now and she dragged me here so uh, yeah.” Evan realized that sounded really stupid and weird so he cringed silently, glaring at his hands that were balled up in his lap.

 

“Who’s her brother?”

 

“Um, Connor. Connor Murphy.” Evan quickly glanced up at his moms face, seeing pain gloss over her eyes and immediately he looked back down. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault.” Heidi sighed. “I’m not his nurse, my friend is, but I saw the looks on his parents faces as they came in last night. I can only imagine how hard it was for them realizing their son felt like that and they didn’t know.”

 

Evan inhaled sharply. If only she knew. He felt guilt weigh down on him, crushing him figuratively. He hated the feeling of it. Evan hated guilt. He couldn’t stand it. He would rather be forced into small talk with a stranger for a whole day than feel guilt. In his opinion, it was the worst of all his emotions. “Yeah...”

 

“Do you know him?”

 

“Oh no! No, uh, not really.” Evan glanced down at his cast. “He um, signed my cast and that’s pretty much the only interaction we’ve had besides just now...” He showed his mom his cast. Heidi’s eyes lit up quickly and Evan hated it.

 

“Oh I’m so proud of you sweetie!” Evan turned to look at her, his emotion unreadable. “You talked to someone you don’t know! And you got your cast signed! Hell, you made a friend!” She let out one of those excited mother laughs. Evan put on a practiced fake smile. “Yeah... A friend.” A friend that told him to get the fuck out of his sight merely five minutes into their second conversation.

 

Much to Evan’s despair, Heidi wrapped him in a hug. “I’m so proud of you, you know that right.” Evan just nodded into her shoulder. She pulled back, a tired smile on her face. “Alright well, I have to get back to work. I’m sorry about your friend Ev, but he should get better in a few days.” Evan just nodded again.

 

Heidi stood up, ruffling Evan’s hair. He swatted her hand away. He worked hard on it this morning. “Don’t worry about school, there’s always tomorrow. Maybe you can text Jared and get your work from him, eh?” Evan simply nodded. Nod and confirm. It was always the best method with parents. “Okay, see you tonight.”

 

Evan watched his mother walk off. Text Jared. The words kept repeating in his head. A small smile grew across Evan’s face. He knew what he was gonna do. He was gonna text Jared. He may get teased relentlessly for a little while but he could help. Somehow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i do have a username change!  
> next update maybe Saturday or Sunday night?  
> feel free to leave a comment! they really motivate me and i love reading/responding to them! :^)


	5. We Want Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan talk. There’s also mentions of an OC (Wyatt). He will be very important later in the fic!

Evan took a bus ride home. He immediately ran to his room when he got home, pulling out his desk chair and plopping down in it. He lifted the lid of his laptop and input his password. Evan tapped violently at the keypad, hoping it would load faster. It didn’t help, but it finally loaded after a good minute. He opened Skype and opened his and Jared’s chats.

 

EvanH: Jared I’m so fucked

 

It was probably another agonizing hour or so before Jared had a response. It was about lunch hour now so it made sense that he would respond now. Evan knew that, but his anxiety was through the roof.

 

JJKinks: what did you do this time

 

EvanH: major fuckup

 

EvanH: so y’know how Zoe dragged me out of school today?

 

JJKinks: duh. did you finally get laid?

 

EvanH: What? No!

 

EvanH: I’m not even sure if I like her that much anymore

 

JJKinks: oooo tea

 

EvanH: stfu

 

EvanH: but basically Connor tried to kill himself and he’s in the hospital right now

 

JJKinks: holy shit dude

 

EvanH: his whole family thinks were friends because apparently he said my name before he went unconscious or something!

 

JJKinks: haha that’s gay

 

EvanH: JARED!! Not the time

 

JJKinks: chill lmao

 

EvanH: ugh. But basically Zoe dragged me there and forced me to talk to him and it was really awkward and he kicked me out because i said something stupid

 

JJKinks: what’d you say?

 

EvanH: cant say

 

JJKinks: tell me or i’m not helping you

 

EvanH: Jared i’m serious i cant tell you

 

JJKinks: cmon Evannnnnnnn, pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!

 

EvanH: Fine gosh! But don’t tell ANYONE ok?

 

JJKinks: yeah whatever

 

EvanH: i went through Connor’s stuff since he accidentally left his bag with me and he apparently had some hellish gay break up

 

JJKinks: HAHA WYATT OWES ME TEN BUCKS

 

EvanH: what????

 

JJKinks: i betted that connor was gay with him and i said he was but Wyatt thought it was bullshit

 

EvanH: you cant tell anyone!!!! Especially not wyatt!!

 

JJKinks: but i want my ten bucks!

 

EvanH: Jared i’m serious please don’t I’m already in deep shit

 

JJKinks: fine whatever gosh

 

EvanH: thank you

 

JJKinks: np

 

EvanH: so what should I do about Connor? I cant just like “stop being his friend” his family would be confused or something

 

EvanH: they want answers

 

JJKinks:

 

EvanH: not funny Jared!!!!

 

JJKinks: it was pretty funny

 

EvanH: ughhh you’re so aggravating

 

JJKinks: :)) you lOve me

 

EvanH: idk sometimes

 

JJKinks: so here’s what you need to do

 

JJKinks: go back and try and talk to him

 

JJKinks: like actually try to be his friend i’m sure you guys have some freaky interests in common like what did you find in his bag?

 

EvanH: uh, comics and like a sketchbook and notebooks and papers for school

 

JJKinks: didn’t you like comics when you were little?

 

EvanH: wow i’m surprised you remember

 

JJKinks: my mom forces me to keep a picture of us on Halloween when we were 7 and you were wolverine in my room

 

EvanH: oh

 

EvanH: but yeah i liked comics

 

JJKinks: go geek out with him bc i need to code some stuff

 

EvanH: thanks Jared

 

JJKinks: don’t mention it

 

JJKinks: but if i cant tell Wyatt you owe me ten bucks

 

EvanH: yeah yeah whatever

 

JJKinks: i mean it!

 

EvanH: I know!!

 

Evan sighed. Jared just left him on read after that. He closed his laptop again. He spun around in his chair and looked over at the bookshelf in the corner of his room. His old comic book collection sat on the second to last shelf.

 

Evan got up, walking over to the shelf and squatting down. They were a little dusty but still in mint condition. Mostly. He bent the spines out since he read them so much but that didn’t matter. It’s not like he’d sell them ever.

 

Maybe him and Connor could connect on something. This plan needed to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Idk when next update will be out but hopefully soon! 
> 
> Leave a comment if ya want! They help keep me motivated and I love responding to them!


	6. Life’s a Drag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan finally sees the boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very very sorry for the late update. My family life is not fabulous so I haven’t been feeling to good mentally and physically. I’ve been really sick. And unmotivated. I’m also moving and school is ass so yeah. Hope y’all understand.

Evan didn’t want to, but he managed to drag himself out of bed the next day. Now here he was again, standing in front of his mirror, fixing his hair, the reminder that presentation is everything repeating in his head. He was fashioning a lilac polo and jeans today. Evan always kept his tongue slightly poking out of his mouth when he was focused. He hated that about himself but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t seem to stop doing it, so he learnt to deal with it.

 

Once Evan deemed his hair presentable and did the rest of his morning bathroom routine, he wandered back into his room. He just stared at it blankly. The walls were a baby blue and it was small, but it felt so empty. He had his bed in the left corner, his desk across from his bed on the wall by the door and a book shelf on the other wall. He also had a window which faced the side yard which wasn’t super exciting. Ever. Except for this one time when he was 9 and some burglar ran past his window at like midnight and cops were chasing after him. Too bad Evan was asleep.

 

Evan shook his head, focusing on the task at hand. He was gonna survive today and take the comic books and go see Connor. He needed to fix whatever was even there. He didn’t see anything ever happening. This is the most interesting his life had been since maybe middle school. Evan walked over to his desk, unzipping his backpack and carefully putting the box of comics in there and zipping it back up. It looked and felt bulky but he’d deal with it. He slung it over his shoulder and headed out.

 

* * *

 

Evan usually took the bus but today he felt like walking. It was a little warm outside but he’d deal. He always carried an extra deodorant anyway. Of course he had to wear a light shirt today. Evan was practically melting in his thoughts as he walked into school. No one looked at him, much less acknowledged him. He just mindlessly headed to his locker as he was headed into another day of brainless torture. 

 

Evan turned around after he grabbed his history textbook for his first period. Zoe Murphy immediately whipped by. She obviously didn’t want anything to do with Evan whatsoever. Evan just watched her run down the hallway.

 

“Staring at her ass Hansen?” Evan turned around to the face of none other than Jared Kleinman. Evan huffed. “No, I-“

 

“Save the excuses, everyone knows you were.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“I know.”

 

Evan gave Jared an aggravated look. Jared’s face was smug. “So when are you gonna go after your Murphy boy toy.” Evan groaned. “He’s not my ‘boy toy’,” Evan did air quotes, “reminder that I’m just doing this to settle things so my life doesn’t go to more shit than it’s already in.” Jared chuckled. “Not your boy toy my ass Hansen, why else would he sign your cast than to be a constant reminder when you jack off.” Evan gaped, his face going red. “Catch ya later Hansen!” Jared swaggered off. God Evan couldn’t stand him sometimes but still loved him to death in a totally... platonic way.

 

The bell rang as a reminder for first hour. Evan jumped. He happened to be focused on Jared as he walked down the hallway too. Was he staring at Zoe’s ass? Maybe. He had no clue. Evan just headed to first period, the thought of impending doom that the whole hallway thought he was staring at Zoe Murphy’s ass. He wasn’t even sure if he did or not, which made the whole situation worse for him. First period hadn’t even started and today had already felt so long. Evan actually was looking forward to seeing Connor at this point. Maybe something interesting would happen there.

 

* * *

 

Nope. Not interesting. Nothing interesting at all. Evan is sitting in the waiting room of the local hospital. It’s been over 2 hours and he’s been sitting here. Apparently some emergency went on on Connor’s floor and it was shut down. So here he was, sitting in a very uncomfortable chair with two other middle aged people and a very obnoxious child which has been screaming for at least an hour on and off and slammed the bead on those toy tracks together. Evan thought school was hell, but apparently that was just a pit stop.

 

Evan’s phone was starting to die, much to his despair. There was no way he was letting himself get stuck in here for god knows how long without his phone. Sure, that sounds quite, eh, millennial, but it was the only normal thing he had left. He had already completed his only other homework assignment for that week online. God must’ve sent something to save him because the nam “Evan Hansen!” Was finally being called out by the receptionist, breaking through the awkward whispers in the room. Evan quickly grabbed his bag, going up to the front desk. “You can go see Connor now dear, he’s in room 41-“

 

“I know what room he’s in, thank you.”

 

The lady just gave Evan a look but unlocked the door for him, allowing him to continue onto the elevator. Evan just nodded at her and continued onto the elevator. It seemed to last forever just like the first time but thankfully no one else got on. Evan stepped out of the elevator, taking his time now as he went down the hallway to get to Connor’s room. Evan stopped in front of the door. He took a deep breath in and knocked.

 

“Linda, if that’s you again I told you to fuck off.”

 

Evan chuckled to himself. Poor Linda. Who ever she was. Probably the nurse. He slowly turned the knob and stepped into the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Connor just glared at him.

 

“Well you’re not Linda but I can’t tell which one right now is worse.”

 

Evan gulped. “Uh, no, I’m not Linda but I wanted to come to talk to you about something.”

 

Connor groaned. “What?” He snapped. “Gonna ask about how crazy I am? Why I did it?”

 

“No, um, I wanna talk to you about comics.”

 

For once, Connor finally looked happy to see Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks if you’re still reading! Leave a comment because they really do keep me motivated. Can’t say when the next update will be so please don’t ask. I can’t promise anything. :^)


	7. Comic Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys talk yknow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I cannot write pls forgive me

“You don’t strike me much as one to be into comic books or whatever.”

 

Evan chuckled, setting down his backpack in chair against the wall, unzipping it. “I’m not really into them anymore, but I guess I was a little obsessed when I was younger.” Evan took out the box holding all the books and turning back to Connor. He seemed a little disappointed.

 

“Oh.” He shifted slightly in the bed, making uncomfortable eye contact with Evan. Evan blinked and looked down. He couldn’t bare eye contact. It was always a struggle when it came to conversations, especially now being _almost_ an adult. Ha. Evan never pictured himself making it this far in his later teen years. He especially never pictured himself in this situation.

 

“You look good in lilac.”

 

“What?”

 

Evan’s head shot back up from the floor, now actually looking at Connor. They just stared back at each other. Connor’s cheeks were rosy and Evan could probably say the same for himself. “Forget I said anything, I’m sorry—“

 

“It’s okay—”

 

“Okay!” Connor rushed the response, spitting it out almost just after Evan spoke. They were still staring at each other. Both quickly snapped away. It was tense and silent. You could practically cut through the feeling in the air with a butter knife. Evan was miserable and not to mention sweaty. He took a step towards the bed, holding the box in his hands. “So uh, the comics...”

 

Connor gulped. Great job doofus, you made it awkward and the poor kid looks miserable. “Yeah, right, those. Can I see them?” Connor outstretched his arms slightly, wincing. They were wrapped up to about his elbow, fashioning the same length as Evan’s cast. An IV was sticking through the bandages on one of his arms which, not to mention, had dried up blood stains dotting along them. Those should be changed—

 

“Hansen. The comics.” Connor did grabby hands. Right, shit, those. Evan silently handed the box over to Connor who took it quickly, sitting up more against his pillows and looking at them. He took the first one out. “Wow... These could probably get you a modest amount, maybe a couple hundred, I dunno.” Evan’s eyes widened. “Seriously?” Connor nodded.

 

“Yeah. Lots of people collect this kind of stuff and trust me, eBay is not the nicest place when it comes down to bidding over mint condition comic books.” He chuckled. Evan laughed along. Connor opened one of the books, a small picture falling out. He picked it up and looked at it. “Is this you?”

 

Connor turned around the picture to show Evan, who’s heart immediately dropped. “Yeah... That’s me...” Indeed, it was Evan. When he was seven years old, right after his mom left, she had gotten him that comic book collection. It was Halloween maybe 2005 or 2006, Evan wasn’t sure. But he was dressed up as Wolverine, the dorkiest smile across his face as he held a bucket for trick-or-treating at his side. Connor laughing quietly took Evan out of his embarrassed thoughts.

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. But don’t freak out, I have a picture just like it except I was spider man. We were probably the same age...” Connor frowned. Evan frowned too. They both got sucked back to memories of a better time. A time of innocence and fun. Full of happiness and pride. And not to mention, a functional family for both of them. For the most part, at least.

 

“That’s cool.” Evan rubbed the back of his head with his right hand, sighing. He watched Connor carefully put back the picture where it was and slip the book back in its space. He handed the box back to Evan, who took it out of his hands, tucking it under his arm.

 

“Thanks for showing me those, they’re really cool and if you want a more simple couple hundred, I might take them off your hands.” Evan gawked. “You would pay over a hundred bucks for these dusty old things? I’ll give ‘em to you for free if you really want them!” Evan tried to hand the box back but Connor pushed it away.

 

“Chill, I don’t really have a use for my money anyway. Family is wacky rich and I’m sure I’ll easily get it back with some stupid ‘get well soon’ cards from an aunt or whatever that I haven’t seen in years.” Connor huffed, crossing his arms and looking down at the end of the bed.

 

“I’m sorry.” Evan moved back quickly to his bag and set down the box by his bag, then moving back to the bed side. Connor shrugged. “I don’t really care, you get used to it I guess. I don’t really flaunt it and honestly it can be kind of boring.”

 

Evan just nodded slowly, almost unnoticeably.“I- I wouldn’t really know I guess.” Evan shifted his weight from one foot to another. Connor rolled his eyes. “Whatever, sit down.” He patted a space of blanket beside him on the bed.

 

“What?” Evan looked very confused. He thought he’d be leaving soon.

 

Connor laughed yet again. Evan could listen to that laugh forever. “Just sit down Hansen. Tell me a little bit about yourself.” And with that, Evan, almost reluctantly, sat down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Next update = no idea  
> I have a really busy schedule coming up and I hope I can squeeze something in soon because I have ideas for the next chapter!!
> 
> Leave a comment! I love replying and hearing what you guys think!! Drop an idea if you want even, I’m usually pretty open to stuff! :^)


	8. Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO YOU’LL NEVER FIND A BIGGER FAN A BEN PLATT THAN ME I GURANTEE YOU AND I CAN PROVE IT AND LIKE THE FIRST TWO SONGS OF HIS ALBUMS CAME OUT AND LIKE UMMMMMM 💖💕💖💘💗💘💓💞💝💕💕💓💕💗💘💖💕💖💕💘💘💘💝💘💝💘💞💘💓💘💗💕💘💗💘💗💘💘💞💝💝💘💘💘💓💕💗💕💘💖💘💖💘💗💘💓💖💞💝💝💝💞💝💞💝💞💝💘💞💕💞💝💘💝💕💘💘💞💖💞💓💗💗💗

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like, they talk, yknow

Evan shifted on the bed side, his hands in his lap. His hands were fidgeting and he was staring at them. God this was awkward. Should he have even come? Connor just laid there, obviously, what else would he do? “So...” Connor started off. “You sat down, are you gonna say anything?” Oh right, that.

 

“Oh yeah, um, sorry.” Evan looked at Connor for a moment and then back at his hands. “So uh, my name is, uh... it’s Evan and my favourite colour is uh, purple or green, I don’t really know, I like trees and nature and I like to write and I’m not really interesting.” Connor chuckled. “You hesitated on your name. Are you not sure about it?”

 

Evan quickly cut Connor off. “Oh yes I’m totally sure Evan is my name it’s nothing else.” That kind of just spilled out of his mouth. Wow, great way to be subtle, Hansen. Connor just laughed harder. “Yeah okay, you’re _so_ convincing. But I’ll believe you I gu-“

 

“It’s Mark.”

 

“What?”

 

“My real name, it’s Mark.” Evan’s face was bright red. He hated it. He had absolutely no idea why he just told a basically total stranger that. Connor just fell silent so Evan forced himself to continue. “My full name is Mark Evan Hansen because my mom wanted Evan and my dad wanted Mark but like my dad is like gone now so my mom won that battle.” Evan, or shall I say, Mark, let out a shaky sigh.

 

“Oh, that’s cool I guess.” Connor gulped. “Well my name is Connor, and that’s my real name. I like comics, drawing, um, telling jokes, and destructive coping mechanisms.” Connor let out a nervous laugh and Evan forced himself to join in on that.

 

“That’s cool. I’m sure your family is fun. Zoe seems nice.” Connor snorted. “Yeah she _seems_  nice. She has to put up that ‘perfect kid’ performance because I’m no where near it. Keeps her protected from my parents screaming. It gives them a little bit of a child they actually wanted.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize Hansen, it’s not worth it.” Connor relaxed back into the pillows on the bed. He picked at his nails and sighed. Evan just shifted his weight again. “Yeah, um, that must be hard. My family isn’t great either.” Connor rolled his eyes. “Whatever, can we not talk about our shitty families right now?”

 

“Right, sorry.” Evan quickly apologized. “You need to work on your apologizing, it’s excessive.” Connor huffed, picking off the rest of his flaked black nail polish on his ring finger. Evan bit his lip. He had to resist from, well, apologizing. He hunched himself over more and just tried not to make much movement or noise. It’s something Evan happened to do constantly. No one wants to talk to some kid that’s all hunched over and quiet except for maybe that one bitchy teacher everyone has had at one point.

 

“So, uh, Evan?” Connor piped up. Evan looked over at him. “Hm?” Connor sighed. “Do you want to maybe exchange numbers? My friend who I used uh, really talk to a lot doesn’t really talk to me anymore and I know I’ll be stuck in this hospital to at least till the end of the week and it’s killing me. I hate being confined and my ADHD is like, off the charts.” He let out a weak laugh. “I’ll just be, lonely, I guess. So...” Connor looked up at Evan.

 

Evan did his best not to just break out into a huge grin right then and there. He might actually be making a friend. _Wow_. That thought was so surreal to him. “Of course!” Evan cringed right as those words came out of his mouth. He sounded so desperate. Connor just out stretched for Evan’s phone. Evan handed it to him. The password was already entered when it was handed over.

 

Connor added in his contact information and handed Evan the phone back. “Thanks.” He smiled. Connor had a small gap between his two front teeth. Evan smiled back, a slight blush on his face. “No problem...”

 

“Just text me later, okay?”

 

“Yeah, totally.” Evan’s anxiety was screaming in that moment. Texting and calling first was absolutely not his forte.

 

“Well you should probably get going I guess, the boring ass hospital therapist will probably be in here soon and then my parents will probably come in and lecture me and blah blah blah and I doubt you want to hear that.”

 

“Yeah...” Evan scratched the back of his head. He stood up. “Talk to you later then.”

 

“Bye Evan.” Connor waved slightly.

 

“Bye.” Evan smiled nervously. He walked back over to his backpack and picked it up, slinging it over his shoulder. Evan headed out of the room with a smile on his face. Wow, maybe he actually was making a friend in a very, messed up way. But he’ll take it.

 

And Connor Murphy would be a liar if he said he wasn’t staring at Evan’s ass as he walked out of the room. Uh oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! I love em! Ask anything or say anything lol I don’t care!


	9. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep reading

Hi! I know this probably isn't what you guys wanted to see but y'all need to know! I might now update this fic until the beginning of March! My family is wrapping up the moving process and it's very stressful getting everything finally together in two weeks and on top of that I have my rehearsals and school! I have a lot going on and I want y'all to know I am NOT giving up on this fic. I have a lot planned for it and I'm super excited but this is just a bump in the road on this hopefully awesome journey. Thank you for understanding! :^)  
See you lovelies hopefully in the next chapter haha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, so sorry! Leave a comment if you have any questions about upcoming stuff or what not! I love answering them!   
> In the meantime, check me out on tumblr @gayfandomsruinedme


	10. Next

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw

so uh i know i said i'd update in march and i was gonna but i didn't,,, um yeah sorry about that

a lot has been going on and i think about this fic a lot and i had so many great ideas for it but yeah,, never got motivation 

i'm so sorry y'all, it's been nagging me for months :(

but i'm more of a kleinsen stan anyway so maybe some of that 👀👀👀

also watch good omens and pewdiepie's minecraft series 

bye y'all!! drink water and stay safe :^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry!!!!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> also if you wanna drop some kleinsen headcanons or anything in the comments that would be greatly appreciated 👀👀👀

**Author's Note:**

> whew thanks for reading. happy 2019 y'all :^)
> 
>  
> 
> updates are random but hopefully it’ll be soon


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